I’ve done it before… many times. The traditionally undesirable task of changing a dirty nappy is far from alien to me. I changed my youngest brothers nappies when he was tiny and I was around 15 years old, and more recently I’ve had a hand in changing a good few smelly bum wraps with my nephew being around. I can honestly say, I don’t mind and in many ways relish the idea of being able to change my Lady Bugs diapers!
I know that many moons ago, it was far from the average fathers agenda to be wiping their Childs arse 6 to 12 times a day. It seems though that nowadays its all part and parcel of being a new Dad and we can all look forward to spending quite an intimate bonding moment with our babies and many mothers are more than happy to let us have a go, or take over the task entirely!
Tonight we attended our penultimate antenatal class and following the social evening we had with the group earlier in the week, everyone was in good spirits and it was almost the perfect time for all that were attending to get up and interact in a practical way. We were given the task of coming up with a few hypothetical scenarios and cause-and-effect type points which may effect our lives following the babies arrival, followed by a ‘baby-bed-making’ masterclass, which we all participated in. We had been given a baby doll (ours was an unhealthy shade of orange, and was cock-eyed unfortunately) which we had to look after for the duration of the class. Looking around the room, some of the soon-to-be dads were doing some serious baby hogging (which was quite nice to see) but both partners had to hold, treat and carry the baby as though it was real.
The last task of the night was to change our babies nappies. Unbeknown to us, was that these baby dolls had full nappies to simulate the various types of shit we will encounter! The substances used ranged from Marmite to English mustard, neither of which leave much to the imagination. You could almost convince yourself that getting a little speck of mustard on your pinky was just as traumatising as having real poop stuck between your finger nails. All in all, it was quite an interesting exercise.
I realised as I was changing that nappy that I quite enjoyed ‘getting it right’. I got a certain manly feeling of honing a craft. Those sticky bits had to be in line with each other, the bottom couldn’t be crumpled and the elastic bits around the legs could not be bunched up. If they were, it would be akin to hanging a 50″ Flat screen, 9 degrees off in the moronic way some fools who just don’t get it, do. You should see my present wrapping skills at Christmas! Its as though Santa’s mentor himself came along and done it for us.
I know at first this experience might not be so bad and it will get progressively harder and more challenging with an increasingly active baby with super human kicking power and the ability to drags his/her heel through the smear of crap left behind. But I’m up for the challenge. I’ve always taken pride in my house keeping work… Its less frequent than when Mrs D does it but man, you better believe its of a much higher standard and I spend ages on tasks she does in 5 minutes. Obviously because I do it properly. I mean when has she ever been able to see her face in the side of the glistening kitchen bin?!
Practice certainly does make perfect and I’m reserving nappy changing as a daily geeky dad challenge. I will amalgamate this task into my ongoing pursuit in mastering the Art of Manliness.
Now… how to relate it to The Avengers in some way…?